"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
