did you get engaged???
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
