i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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