using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
