season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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