My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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