Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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