i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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