Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How does it feel to date your dad?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
