i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
