How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
