I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i now understand why vodka
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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