I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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