OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
