Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
