i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
