I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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