Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you had me at cake vodka
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
