i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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