no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
