Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
3pm strippers are depressing
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
