through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
