def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
