i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
