My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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