happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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