Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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