"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
