when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
