I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
