whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
