Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
