I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
