if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
