this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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