I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
