I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
