??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He better not be in your backpack
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
