Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
