I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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