So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
