the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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