I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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