I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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