yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I want to be your penis for a week.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
