eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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