Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
