life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
