Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
