We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
