I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
