i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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