would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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