I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
