Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
