I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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