I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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