It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Pants are for mortals
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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