Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
