Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
