whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
