Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
