Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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