Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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