If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
