just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
