So drunk its hurt
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
