I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just googled if crying burns calories
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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