just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize