Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
