can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
